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re: Tiger Tales: True Confessions, Brushes With Fame & Infamous Tiger Escapades!
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:51 pm to semotruman
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:51 pm to semotruman
So anyway, little do I know at that point that I'm about to witness what has to be a guy's worst nightmare, come to life. 
We all pile in the car, and because we're all squished in, I'm sitting on "Norm's" lap. He starts introducing himself to my friends, and telling us about this great party at his buddy's house and hopes we'll all come over. Then he comes to this chick in the front seat, we're in the back, and says,
"Hi, my name's Norm..."
And she says, "Oh, I know who you are!"
He says, "Excuse me? Have we met?"
She turns around and says, "You don't remember? You don't remember me? You F*CKED me and never called me again!!!!"
The blood just drains out of his face, and he starts stuttering, and I'm laughing hysterically. Because I'd had a bunch of hurricanes, and thought it was hilarious at the time!
Then he looks at me, and stars telling me he has no idea who she is. I say, "Well, she obviously knows you!"
"I swear I've never seen her before!" Norm says.
I laugh. Then...
"Oh, WAIT! I DO know who that is!" he says. "I hooked up with her one time, and she wouldn't leave me alone! She just kept calling me!"
I tell him, "You're really not helping yourself here!" And continue laughing.
He says, "I couldn't get rid of her! I tried ignoring her, but she just kept calling me and coming around!"
And I ask, "Did you ever just tell her she was great, but you really weren't interested?" No, of course not. I point out that might be why she kept calling and coming around.
So, we get to his friend's car, and I get out to let him out. He says, "So, do you still want to come to the party?" I laugh again, and say I don't think so.
He sighs, and says, "Yeah, that was kind of a buzz-kill, wasn't it?"
I still laugh when I think about it. That has to be one of the worst things that can happen to a guy! He shows up in a town where he used to live, tries to hook up, and his past bites him in the arse. I figure it was just another bullet dodged for me. But definitely one to be featured in my book.
We all pile in the car, and because we're all squished in, I'm sitting on "Norm's" lap. He starts introducing himself to my friends, and telling us about this great party at his buddy's house and hopes we'll all come over. Then he comes to this chick in the front seat, we're in the back, and says,
"Hi, my name's Norm..."
And she says, "Oh, I know who you are!"
He says, "Excuse me? Have we met?"
She turns around and says, "You don't remember? You don't remember me? You F*CKED me and never called me again!!!!"
The blood just drains out of his face, and he starts stuttering, and I'm laughing hysterically. Because I'd had a bunch of hurricanes, and thought it was hilarious at the time!
Then he looks at me, and stars telling me he has no idea who she is. I say, "Well, she obviously knows you!"
"I swear I've never seen her before!" Norm says.
I laugh. Then...
"Oh, WAIT! I DO know who that is!" he says. "I hooked up with her one time, and she wouldn't leave me alone! She just kept calling me!"
I tell him, "You're really not helping yourself here!" And continue laughing.
He says, "I couldn't get rid of her! I tried ignoring her, but she just kept calling me and coming around!"
And I ask, "Did you ever just tell her she was great, but you really weren't interested?" No, of course not. I point out that might be why she kept calling and coming around.
So, we get to his friend's car, and I get out to let him out. He says, "So, do you still want to come to the party?" I laugh again, and say I don't think so.
He sighs, and says, "Yeah, that was kind of a buzz-kill, wasn't it?"
I still laugh when I think about it. That has to be one of the worst things that can happen to a guy! He shows up in a town where he used to live, tries to hook up, and his past bites him in the arse. I figure it was just another bullet dodged for me. But definitely one to be featured in my book.
2
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:52 pm to FightTigers
New Subject: Just turn 18 trip to the strip club I will never forget
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:54 pm to mizzoukills
Well, Semo, I assume you're still writing the rest of the story, so I'll add a quick one to two paragraph story about an experience I had at Mardi Gras in St. louis:
About 6 years ago, my wife and I went to Mardi Gras in STL with some college friends. It was exceptionally cold, freezing actually, and the cold wind was cutting thru our clothes like a fart thru bath water.
Our group decided we needed to get inside someplace warm.
The crowd was huge - thousands of people in the streets. Shoulder to shoulder. The bars and restaurants were filled to fire code. Plus, the door fee to get in most places was way too steep - $15 a $20 per person just to get warm - and the lines were incredibly long.
We noticed a bar named Clementine's that had a small line and we joined the line immediately. Before long, we were inside the bar.
All of the sudden we realized that we were standing in The Blue Oyster bar from Police Academy! Super gay! The house electronic music was bumping. Young "cocktail waiters" jogged and jumped to the beat with no shirts on. Some were only dressed in skimpy underwear.
I looked at my wife and the rest of our group (laughing) and said, "Holy shite....what did we walk into? Do y'all wanna leave?"
Everyone reluctantly agreed to stay inside a bit longer to avoid the cold, so we made our way to a corner in the back of the bar. The crowd kept getting larger and larger, and soon the bar was packed shoulder to shoulder. However, the gays were having a good time and the music was fun to dance to.
But I digress....
My wife looked at me and yelled over the music, "I have to pee! Will you go stand in line with me?"
"Are you kidding me? Of course I'll stand in line with ya. Please dont leave my side!"
(Continued)
About 6 years ago, my wife and I went to Mardi Gras in STL with some college friends. It was exceptionally cold, freezing actually, and the cold wind was cutting thru our clothes like a fart thru bath water.
Our group decided we needed to get inside someplace warm.
The crowd was huge - thousands of people in the streets. Shoulder to shoulder. The bars and restaurants were filled to fire code. Plus, the door fee to get in most places was way too steep - $15 a $20 per person just to get warm - and the lines were incredibly long.
We noticed a bar named Clementine's that had a small line and we joined the line immediately. Before long, we were inside the bar.
All of the sudden we realized that we were standing in The Blue Oyster bar from Police Academy! Super gay! The house electronic music was bumping. Young "cocktail waiters" jogged and jumped to the beat with no shirts on. Some were only dressed in skimpy underwear.
I looked at my wife and the rest of our group (laughing) and said, "Holy shite....what did we walk into? Do y'all wanna leave?"
Everyone reluctantly agreed to stay inside a bit longer to avoid the cold, so we made our way to a corner in the back of the bar. The crowd kept getting larger and larger, and soon the bar was packed shoulder to shoulder. However, the gays were having a good time and the music was fun to dance to.
But I digress....
My wife looked at me and yelled over the music, "I have to pee! Will you go stand in line with me?"
"Are you kidding me? Of course I'll stand in line with ya. Please dont leave my side!"
(Continued)
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 10:02 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:55 pm to MizzouSEC2012
That sounds like my kind of story...
Semo that is an awful situation for that dude, but like you said bullet dodged for you.
Semo that is an awful situation for that dude, but like you said bullet dodged for you.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:58 pm to MizzouSEC2012
SM2,
Can't remember anyone ever serving me a condom with my chex mix!
But the rest of the story would rank high on many a young man's bucket list!
quote:
neighbors bringing us chis kabobs with chicken and steak, chex mix, condoms you know the usual.
Can't remember anyone ever serving me a condom with my chex mix! But the rest of the story would rank high on many a young man's bucket list!
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:59 pm to mizzoukills
You ended up at Clementines Kills?
That makes me remember another tidbit from my story. As Norm and I were walking by that bar, I hear someone call my name. I turn around, and there, stumbling drunk and peeing in the alley because she couldn't wait through the bathroom line, is a girl I went to college with who came out of the closet after we graduated!
She's cool as hell, I always really liked her. And she says "I haven't seen you in years, and then when I do, here I am, pissing in an alley!" I just said, "Yeah - hurricanes are great, aren't they?"
That makes me remember another tidbit from my story. As Norm and I were walking by that bar, I hear someone call my name. I turn around, and there, stumbling drunk and peeing in the alley because she couldn't wait through the bathroom line, is a girl I went to college with who came out of the closet after we graduated!
She's cool as hell, I always really liked her. And she says "I haven't seen you in years, and then when I do, here I am, pissing in an alley!" I just said, "Yeah - hurricanes are great, aren't they?"
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:01 pm to MizzouSEC2012
So whenever you're a guy and you turn 18 the first thing you do is do all the stuff you couldn't do before buy lottery tickets, cigars, go to the strip club... So when I turned 18 I went to the strip club with some friends from high school in downtown KC. Before we went in they gave me a few shot bottles of whisky and I've never had whisky before so it must be an acquired taste because it didn't end well. We're parked right on the street next to the strip club in front of a $75.00 a plate dinner restaurant. I take my two shot bottles and start to feel not so well and try to wash it down with coke. coke+whisky= match in heaven, and a few seconds later I'm getting out of the car throwing up my guts in front of this restaurant. Everyone inside eating their dinner is looking at me in astonishment while trying to eat 75 dollar dinner. Then I hear sirens and I'm like oh shite and trying to get back in the car and continue a walking throw up. We drove around the block a few times before returning for obvious reasons. When I went into the strip club this hot russian was performing and I had 25 ones and was sitting on the front row smelling like shite so I was like frick it and threw all my 25 ones up at once and she came over and gave me her wig and did a special dance just for me. It was one of the funniest things I've ever done
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:03 pm to Bogie00
the condom came later but if I didn't postpone it we might have just had sex on the river for everyone to see
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:06 pm to MizzouSEC2012
my pictures from the float trip might work 
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:11 pm to MizzouSEC2012
Bookmarked this thread for reading tomorrow, been at the Heat-Wizards preseason game tonight, too much work to do now.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:16 pm to semotruman
Semo,
Don't make us wait for the book release!
Kinda reminds of my first Mizzou date and purple passions being served at some remote building back in the hills behind the football stadium. Which has probably, consequently, long ago been developed.
Don't make us wait for the book release!
Kinda reminds of my first Mizzou date and purple passions being served at some remote building back in the hills behind the football stadium. Which has probably, consequently, long ago been developed.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:23 pm to semotruman
(continued)
My wife and I started to weave thru the crowd toward the bathroom. Remember how I told you the place was crowded? Well, as we weaved thru the crowd, I start to feel a hand here-and-there cup my balls. People were copping a feel and it was impossible to identify who was doing it! I was being molested in public.
I said to my wife with urgency, "Becca, get thru this crowd ASAP! I'm getting groped.". She said, "What? I can't hear you!". I said, "Hurry up! Get us out of this crowd!"
We made our way to the bathroom line and I told her how people were groping my nuts as we journeyed thru the crowd. She just laughed. I said, "I was seriously violated! That shite's illegal. I feel sick." She just continued to laugh.
However, her laughing stopped when she realized that the bar only had a men's bathroom. This bar was so gay that it didn't have a women's bathroom!
My wife and I venture into a pissed filled dingy and dark bathroom only to realize that the one regular toilet stall was out of order (though a couple of people were most definitely in that stall. You could see their feet).
She asked a few guys, "Are you sure there isn't a women's bathroom, or at least a bathroom stall?"
They responded, "This is Clementines, honey! We only use wall urinals."
I looked at my wife and we just stared at each other for a moment in silence. We nodded to each other and held hands as we approached our wall urinals.
I held up Becca's dress and she bent over doggy style and put her arse almost completely inside her wall urinal. She began to pee in the most awkward way I've ever seen a woman pee. With my other hand, I whipped out my pecker and began to pee in my wall urinal.
A couple of gay guy were nice enough to create a human wall to shield Becca and I from the crowd.
The last thing I remember from the bathroom was the cheering of dudes and one of the gay guys saying, "Nothing to see over here, gents! Mind your own business. Nothing to see here."
And then he turned and looked straight at my pecker. He smiled and said to my wife, "Well perhaps there is something to look at after all...hmmm...right honey?"
We left Clementines after our bathroom excursion...
The end.
- ZouAnimal
My wife and I started to weave thru the crowd toward the bathroom. Remember how I told you the place was crowded? Well, as we weaved thru the crowd, I start to feel a hand here-and-there cup my balls. People were copping a feel and it was impossible to identify who was doing it! I was being molested in public.
I said to my wife with urgency, "Becca, get thru this crowd ASAP! I'm getting groped.". She said, "What? I can't hear you!". I said, "Hurry up! Get us out of this crowd!"
We made our way to the bathroom line and I told her how people were groping my nuts as we journeyed thru the crowd. She just laughed. I said, "I was seriously violated! That shite's illegal. I feel sick." She just continued to laugh.
However, her laughing stopped when she realized that the bar only had a men's bathroom. This bar was so gay that it didn't have a women's bathroom!
My wife and I venture into a pissed filled dingy and dark bathroom only to realize that the one regular toilet stall was out of order (though a couple of people were most definitely in that stall. You could see their feet).
She asked a few guys, "Are you sure there isn't a women's bathroom, or at least a bathroom stall?"
They responded, "This is Clementines, honey! We only use wall urinals."
I looked at my wife and we just stared at each other for a moment in silence. We nodded to each other and held hands as we approached our wall urinals.
I held up Becca's dress and she bent over doggy style and put her arse almost completely inside her wall urinal. She began to pee in the most awkward way I've ever seen a woman pee. With my other hand, I whipped out my pecker and began to pee in my wall urinal.
A couple of gay guy were nice enough to create a human wall to shield Becca and I from the crowd.
The last thing I remember from the bathroom was the cheering of dudes and one of the gay guys saying, "Nothing to see over here, gents! Mind your own business. Nothing to see here."
And then he turned and looked straight at my pecker. He smiled and said to my wife, "Well perhaps there is something to look at after all...hmmm...right honey?"
We left Clementines after our bathroom excursion...
The end.
- ZouAnimal
This post was edited on 10/25/12 at 6:58 am
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:28 pm to mizzoukills
How did you end up in a gay bar? 
Do you think it's alright if I post shite like this on the rant I want to get back in the ring
Do you think it's alright if I post shite like this on the rant I want to get back in the ring
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 10:30 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:30 pm to Mizzeaux
quote:
Anus Aweigh
There's a Navy joke in there, but I shall refrain.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:30 pm to SoCalMIZ
SOCALMIZ time for a story Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:32 pm to MizzouSEC2012
M2SEC that's a good question, but it sounds like Killz learned his lesson the hard way.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:39 pm to Bogie00
quote:
Kinda reminds of my first Mizzou date and purple passions being served at some remote building back in the hills behind the football stadium. Which has probably, consequently, long ago been developed.
By behind the stadium, do you mean where the basketball arena is now? Or further back? Nothing has been developed past the arena and the president's house, on the south side at least. There has been a lot of development to the west and southwest.
And if I ever get it published, I'll introduce myself to all of you and give you copies. Especially if you tell me funny stories and provide me with material I can use!
Misseaux's story about Christmas is great. I bet his mom was pissed at her brother for taking her baby boy on vacation with a porn star!
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:46 pm to MizzouSEC2012
quote:
SOCALMIZ time for a story
Sit back kiddos. This is a drunken sailor in Tijuana story...
Back in '98, after a particularly dreadful 6 month deployment to the Persian Gulf on board CVN-74, my buddies and I decided that it would be a good idea to head down to TJ for a post-deployment stress reliever. We had only been in San Diego for about 3 days, and were specifically warned NOT to go to Mexico, so naturally, we grabbed a cab and headed for the border.
Upon arrival to the main drag, Avenida Revolucion, we quickly realize that it's college night in TJ, and all the underage college students from SDSU are their to get their party on. we decide that this is a very good thing, and head into a club called Club A. Club A is about as fine as an establishment as you will find in TJ, I vaguely remember a school bus inside. Wtf.
Anyway, we commence to buying buckets of Coronas, find a table and pound said brews, as well as enjoying the Whistling Tequila Pourers. After about an hour of dancing and brain cell destruction, the club erupts, it's strip tease night...jackpot.
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 10:53 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:48 pm to semotruman
South of stadium, wooded area, and far enough to need cars.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 10:50 pm to SoCalMIZ
Yes, good start!
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