re: I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE!

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As many of you who have participated on this list for more than 12
months know, this is the week that I live for the whole year. It is time
for me to post my annual treatise on why I HATE THE ALABAME CRIMSON TIDE.
While many parts of this posting are carry overs from several years, I do
add new parts to this annual posting each year so I hope y'all continue to
enjoy it.

THE BAMA GAME . For me, one of my main reasons for living and
breathing as a Tennessee Volunteer Fan is so that I CAN HATE THE ALABAMA
CRIMSON TIDE. As most of you know by now, I DESPISE THEM. I really don't
give a rip about Florida. Someone asked me two years ago to write an
equivalent post prior to the Florida game. I couldn't come up with anything
more than a few sentences. Once again this year, THE GAME officially
dubbed the "Third Saturday in October" will be played on the fourth
Saturday. This game belongs on the Third Saturday in October. You know,
there was never a book written titled Fourth Saturday in October. It just
"ain't" right, and I would petition the Athletic Directors of both schools
and the SEC Commissioner to put a stop to some of this nonsense. October is
my favorite month of the year. It always has been, not just the last two
years. It is when there is a crisp coolness in the air, and the colors
Orange and Crimson splash on a field of Green. You know, I really wish that
we could do away with the silly rule that states that the home team wears
dark and the visitor wears white. This is only really necessary if both
teams have the same color jerseys. I know that as recently as the early
& 80s, UT wore orange jerseys and Bama wore their red ones. But, I digress.
I hope y'all enjoy reading (or rereading) as much as I enjoy living it. All
in all, this post is getting harder and harder to write every year. Mainly
because we have beaten Bama each of the past four years. Also, since I no
longer live there, I don't see, read, or hear as much on a day to day basis
to inflame me like it used to. However, then I start to remember 1986-1994
and it is like pouring gas on a fire.

For me, this week is HIGH HOLY WEEK and the Saturday of the
Tennessee-Alabama game is the HIGHEST of my HIGH HOLY DAYS. It is bigger
than my birthday, the 4th of July, or all of the Federal Holidays that I get
all combined. It is the one day of the year that I literally think about
every single day the other 364. Not a single solitary day goes by that I
don't somehow, some way think about the Tennessee-Alabama game. Until 1997,
I lived in north Alabama, so I saw a lot of BAMA paraphernalia. Every time
I see an Alabama Bumper sticker I think about THE GAME. Every time I see
someone wearing an Alabama sweatshirt or T-shirt, I think about THE GAME.
Every time I see the color red, I think about THE GAME. I hate the color
red. Red is the one color that refuse to wear. My wife will pick out a
shirt or a pair of shorts in a store that she thinks will look good on me.
If it is crimson or red I will refuse to buy it. My wife bought a new car a
few years ago. A red one. It is a cool car, but I hate the color. Every
time I see it, I think about THE GAME. If I pull up to a traffic light and
the signal is red, I think about THE GAME. What makes it worse is there is
usually some "bubba" in front of me with a BAMA bumper sticker. If I'm
lucky enough to be first at the light, then the idiot on the other side of
the intersection will have a BAMA license plate on their front bumper. GOD,
I HATE BAMA; Every single night when I used to watch the sports news in the
Huntsville-Decatur area, there was going to be something said about the
Crimson Tide and I would think about THE GAME. Every time I saw a
Birmingham Paper and I saw Paul Finebaum or Bill Lumpkin's columns, you
could bet that somehow they were going to work in at least one sentence
about the Crimson Tide. It made no difference that they might have been
writing a column about equestrian or water polo. There was a restaurant up
the road from where I worked where I often had lunch. They had a picture
of Paul "Bear" Bryant on the wall behind the cash register. I would see
that DAMN PICTURE, and I immediately thought about THE GAME.

For me, BAMA not Florida, is Tennessee's nemesis. Tennessee and
Bama already had a series record long before Florida students knew how to
spell the word "football". I HATE BAMA's GUTS. I HATE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON
TIDE with every word I speak, every blink of my eyes, every thought that I
have, every breath I take, and every beat of my heart. I HATE THE ALABAMA
CRIMSON TIDE. I literally cannot stand the sight of em. When I first
moved to north Alabama and was single, I glued an Alabama decal to the
bottom of my commode in my apartment. It was a "natural law" on Saturday
afternoon that you would sit around the apartment all day watching college
football and drinking beer. It was a rule that you had to yell, "PISS ON
ALABAMA" every time you went to the bathroom. It was even better when I had
to sit down. 8 (no, I didn't have a wife or son at that time. Really the
only thing that I don't like about being married is that I can't do this
anymore. :)

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